


May I?

by GatewayGirl



Series: The Confusion Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M, Manipulation, Potion effect, Voyeurism, ambiguous consent, mild chan (15), wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:41:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GatewayGirl/pseuds/GatewayGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Be careful what you eat when the twins are in the house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May I?

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's Notes**: This was written for Siriusly_lupin for the 2008 Sirry Secret Santa exchange on http://community.livejournal.com/sirry_slash/. The request specified Christmas during OotP. With Harry that young, I felt it would either have to be pretty dark or be a potions accident, so went with the latter.

The house at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was miserable. Harry had gone up to his room to avoid questions and advice, but then found himself unable to bear the silence, or rather, the occasional sound muffled to the point of mystery. Unwilling to either participate or to be left out, he put on his invisibility cloak and crept back down the stairs, treading carefully to avoid the boards that creaked.

In the front hall, he stopped. He could hear voices down in the kitchen, but Fred and George were between him and the stairs down. Irritatingly, they were standing too close together for Harry to slip between them, but the way they stood, shoulder to shoulder, made them too wide a barrier for him to pass on either side.

"Snape?" one whispered, and the other muffled a snort.

"That would be bad. He'd probably kill people."

"But we could hope for a can-can with lacy bloomers."

"And he hardly ever comes here, anyway."

"Remus."

"Um -- he would ... I don't know."

"Organize a discussion group?"

Both of the twins covered their mouths with their hands to muffle sniggering laughs, but a sudden change in the noise from below cut through their amusement. At least two people were shouting in the kitchen. Loud footsteps started on the stairs, and Harry heard a final, audible, "Enough!" just before Sirius came storming into view. Sirius paused, one foot nearly off the ground, at the sight of Fred and George. Fear of being caught shot through Harry at the sight. If he stayed where he was, Sirius might stumble into him, but if he tried to make it up the stairs quickly, someone was sure to hear him. Just as Sirius began to move again, Harry saw a third option and darted into the library. That would get him out of his godfather's path.

Sirius, however, did not continue up the stairs. Instead, he swerved into the library, forcing Harry to dodge to the side to avoid him. As Sirius slammed the door behind him, Harry winced.

Once the crash of door against frame had died away, Sirius seemed to deflate. His shoulders came down, and his arms fell to his sides. With a sigh, he shuffled across the room to a desk, and opened it with a touch of his ring to the keyhole. Harry expected his godfather to sit down and write something, but instead, he took out a bottle of whisky, poured a small amount into a glass, and locked the desk again. Glass in hand, he crossed to the sofa and sat down. His feet narrowly missed a plate of biscuits when he put them on the coffee table.

"Idiots," he said gloomily, taking a sip of the whisky and leaning back. "What use am I here? Dumbledore could--"

The horrible memory of the last time he had eavesdropped was too close to ignore. Quickly, so he wouldn't lose his nerve, Harry pulled his hood back.

"I'm here," he said nervously. "I wasn't following you; I just wanted to get away."

Sirius had frozen at the appearance of Harry's head, but he hadn't twitched or spilled his drink. Slowly, he set down the glass.

"Harry."

"Sorry," Harry said desperately. "I didn't want you to think you were alone when you weren't."

Sirius nodded. "I appreciate that." With visible effort, he smiled. "Considering how I stormed in here, you didn't have a chance to leave." He patted the sofa next to him. "Come over here, then. We can sulk together."

Harry would rather have been alone, but he didn't want to say so, and have Sirius think that meant he didn't like him, so he shrugged off his cloak and walked over and sat on the sofa, midway between Sirius and the other end of it. Nervously, he twisted his fingers together, and then, to have something to do, took a biscuit. "What's going on?" he asked. The hot bite of ginger made everything a little clearer and more normal.

Sirius shrugged, and then reached for the plate himself. "Nothing to worry about," he said.

Harry tried not to scowl. He was tired of hearing that, especially when it clearly wasn't true.

"Look," Sirius said desperately, "you'll be leaving soon. It's really nothing you can help with, so let's just-- I want to enjoy my time with you, not talk about crap you can't fix." He stuffed the biscuit in his mouth and reached for another.

"You were coming in here to sulk," Harry pointed out, also taking a second.

"Yes, but...." Sirius shrugged. "You're the best part of here," he said, with sudden frankness, and Harry warmed.

"I ... I wish I didn't have to go back," he said shyly. "I'd rather stay with you."

Sirius, about to bite into a third biscuit, paused and reached over to set a hand on Harry's shoulder. "None of that, now," he admonished fondly. "You are going to finish school. Your parents would have wanted that."

"But it's so _useless _now," Harry protested. Sighing, he snagged another biscuit and leaned against Sirius. "I know. I'll go back."

"I know you will," Sirius said. "You're a sensible boy, whatever some people may think."

Harry snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth of Sirius against his side, and the confident protection of his praise. If only they could catch Pettigrew, and he could stay with Sirius, he knew that both of them would be happier -- and more stable. He looked up at his godfather.

"May I sit in your lap?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Harry could understand that. He wasn't quite sure where the question had come from, but now that it had emerged, he really wanted to do it. When he wasn't trying desperately to be cheery, Sirius was solid and reassuring, and Harry thought it would be nice to be fully warm and close for a little while. Just as Harry was wondering if he should apologize, Sirius smiled.

"If you want," he said, straightening up on the sofa to create a more defined lap. "Come here, then."

Awkwardly, Harry climbed up on top of him. He had never sat in someone's lap before, and he suspected it would have been more comfortable when he was smaller. The uneven surface provided by Sirius's thighs was odd. However, it put him at just the right height to tuck his face between his godfather's hair, which held the wood smoke scent of the kitchen, and his neck, which smelled purely of Sirius. Sirius settled an arm around him, and shifted slightly beneath him.

"You realize this is giving me very non-fatherly thoughts?" he whispered. His breath was whisky and warmth. Harry didn't get what he meant, at first, but Sirius rocked his hips, raising Harry up slightly, and then he understood.

"Oh." That was strange -- exciting or scary, he couldn't quite tell. But he liked the way Sirius was looking at him -- intently focused on _him_, not a memory or a promise. "Do you like that?"

"If you don't hate it."

"I don't."

"Brilliant, then. Squirm a little?"

Grinning, Harry shifted his weight from one bum cheek to the other, and Sirius leaned back his head and moaned.

"Oh, yeah. You're a brilliant boy. May I kiss you?"

Harry bit his lip. He wanted to please Sirius, but.... "I haven't enjoyed it," he confessed.

"What -- who else has kissed you?"

Sirius sounded indignant, as if no one should have. Harry frowned. "Um, Cho?"

"Oh," Sirius said in relief, "girls!"

"Well," Harry said awkwardly, "_a _girl."

Sirius gave him a smile that was pure mischief. "Let's see if you think I'm better, then." He traced down the far side of Harry's face, his fingers settling artfully along his jaw and then lightly pressing to turn Harry towards him. "I guarantee that I'm more experienced than any sixth year."

Indeed, if asked to describe that kiss, Harry would have had far more to say than 'wet'. Sirius had firm lips, and his stubble scratched lightly across Harry's smoother cheek. For a long time, he kept to a gentle, shifting pressure, letting Harry relax his mouth open before the first flirtatious advance of his tongue. His hand moved to Harry's far hip, keeping him secure as he pressed, and Harry felt himself moan, the sound vibrating through the kiss. Sirius eased off.

"Sorry," Harry said quickly. "Was that wrong? I thought--"

"Shh. That was brilliant. Just wanted to look at you."

In fact, Sirius was looking at him very intently now, as if studying his face. He continued that, as he moved his hand in from Harry's hip, dragging across his crotch and then stopping at the bulge of Harry's cock. With a shuddering sigh, Sirius pressed his palm up and down the soft ridge, making Harry's blood surge.

"Want to wrap my hand around that," Sirius murmured. "May I, Harry?" He was already unbuttoning Harry's jeans, as Harry, not trusting his voice, nodded. "Yeah," Sirius muttered, getting to his prize. "Merlin, that feels good, you growing hard in my hand."

Without warning, he began to kiss Harry again, fierce and deep this time, muffling Harry's surprised cry. Harry threw an arm around his neck and kissed back furiously, bucking up into Sirius's pumping grip.

The door opened. "Sirius, are y-- _Sirius!_"

The door slammed shut, after the rising exclamation from Remus Lupin, but Harry vaguely heard muttered incantations that indicated Lupin was still in the room. He ignored them in favor of deliberate writhing against his godfather's lap. _Me. Pay attention to me._

He heard a slap near his cock and opened his eyes to see that Lupin, clearly furious, had grabbed Sirius by the wrist, halting his motion.

"What are you _doing,_ Sirius? He's your godson! I know you'll shag anything, but you can't be _that _damn drunk."

"Hey," Harry protested. "Piss off."

Sirius laughed, a sound of genuine, easy merriment. "There, Moony! Go off and leave us alone; there's a good lad. We're having a spot of fun, and Merlin knows there's little enough of that, here."

Lupin stared at them. The disbelief on his face was so funny that Harry laughed as well. All at once, Lupin's face closed up tight and angry, though it no longer seemed to be directed at them.

"Those boys!" he muttered furiously. "All evening, I've known they were up to something." Abruptly, he focused on them again. "Have you eaten anything since you left the rest of us? Drunk anything?"

"I've had firewhisky," Sirius said lightly, "but just a finger, if that." His hand eased slowly back over Harry's abandoned erection.

"And a few ginger biscuits," Harry answered, gesturing at the half-empty plate, but his attention was already drifting back to Sirius. He stretched towards him, silently begging for another kiss, and Sirius obliged.

Someone knocked on the door, and Lupin said a word that Harry would not have imagined hearing from his old professor. Roughly, he shoved a shoulder between them, breaking up the kiss. "Sirius," he said intently. "Apparate Harry to my bedroom, _now_. And both of you _stay there_."

"Will you stop getting in the way if we do?" Sirius challenged. Outside the room, someone was laughing. There was another volley of knocks.

"Yes, damn it! Do anything you like to him, as long as you go now and keep it in there. _Go!_"

Lupin whirled around, wand out and pointed at the door, and Sirius chuckled. Harry felt himself pulled close, there was a moment of horrible sensation as if he were being squeezed to within an inch of his life, and then he was falling back, Sirius sprawling heavily over him. Before Harry had his breath back, Sirius had got his knees under him and was rubbing his crotch against Harry's in long, hard rocks of his hips. Reasoning that Sirius must like the same things he chose to do, Harry squeezed a hand between them and groped for the older man's cock.

With a groan, Sirius rolled to the side to give him room. "Oh, yeah. That's it."

Harry wasn't at all sure he could do this to someone else. He didn't have any feedback from his own touch, having to rely instead on the noises that Sirius made, and even his capacity to feel _where _he was touching was hampered by the thick fabric of Sirius's robes. He opened his mouth, but before he could decide just what he needed to ask, there was a crack of Apparation, and Lupin appeared in the room. Sirius, as if recalled to his task by the interruption, closed with him again, his mouth questing for Harry's mouth, and his hand reaching for Harry's cock.

For a moment, all was quiet except for heavy breathing and the sound of skin on skin. Then Lupin took a step towards them. Sirius whipped his head around and growled.

"I told you," Lupin said, "I won't interfere."

"Damn right, you won't!"

Lupin looked almost angry, but he didn't snap back. "I had just a little," he said. "Enough that I should be able to take watching. You cannot be left alone."

Sirius put his back to Lupin. Forcefully, he started to kiss Harry again, and the hand he had around Harry's cock began to move.

Lupin's voice dropped until it was little more than a whisper. "Sirius. Listen. Harry's going to rub against his zip if you're not careful."

Sirius gave a neutral grunt.

"I think you should slide his jeans off," Lupin said softly. He took a step back. "If you're going to do this, he should be comfortable, after all."

"Oh." Sirius lifted his head again at that. "Right," he agreed smartly, and went to his knees to pull at the sides of Harry's jeans. Harry lifted his hips, and in a moment was stripped from the waist down. Sirius stared at his cock like a starving man looking at a feast.

"God," he said. "Yeah." He licked his lips.

"Perhaps take your robes off, too," Lupin said, in a teacher's firm suggestion. "Harry, why don't you help Sirius with his clothing?"

His voice moved as he spoke. Harry, coming up on his knees across from Sirius, saw that Lupin had crossed over to the wall nearest the bed, and was now leaning back against it, watching them.

"Well?" Sirius challenged, touching his cheek, and Harry nodded. He was pleasing Sirius -- really pleasing him, and as himself, not James's son. Smiling, he reached for the top clasp of the dark wool robes that Sirius wore. The wide velvet collar brushed against his wrist as he opened that clasp and moved down to the next. Sirius stayed motionless, watching him through clear eyes, as Harry slowly bared the man's chest, and then worked his way down to uncover a thick, nearly purple erection that left a slippery wet line on the back of Harry's hand as he parted the cloth over it. Sirius drew in a quick breath at the passing touch.

Finally his robes were completely unfastened, and Harry pushed the garment from his shoulders, leaving Sirius kneeling naked on the bed. Harry felt the gentle flush of a Warming charm starting, but didn't look up to check on Lupin. He was far too fascinated by the sight of the thick, dark cock bobbing in front of his own, so close that they would be touching if he were an inch or two taller.

Sirius sank back a little, evening the height. As he pulled Harry closer, Harry watched a bead of pre-come from Sirius catch on the tip of his head and stretch in a silver thread down his shaft. He let out a shuddering sigh.

Sirius lifted his hand, touching him again, but this time Harry could watch. First he brought just two fingers up, one to either side of Harry's cock, as if he were holding an exceptionally thick cigar. After a few passes that way, he opened his hand to take Harry's cock in the crook of his thumb. He didn't grip like Harry wanted. Instead, he left his fingers open, so as to brush against his own erection in passing.

Recalling himself, Harry reached down to return the favor, taking his godfather's cock in hand. It felt heavy and satisfyingly solid against his palm as he wrapped his grip around it.

"Oh, good, Harry," Lupin said softly. His voice was still measured, but a little more breathy than it had been earlier. "Isn't he good, Sirius? But he knows all about wanking, I'm sure. Why don't you show him something new?"

For the first time since he had uncovered the thick cock in his hand, Harry looked away from it, though that didn't keep him from pumping slow and tight along its length. Lupin was still leaning against the wall, fully dressed and unmoving, but his hand was pressed hard against the front of his worn trousers.

Sirius chuckled. "Could do that. Stop a moment, Harry." He caught at Harry's wrist. "Has anyone ever gone down on you?"

"Has-- what?" Harry asked, muddled, and Sirius grinned manically in response.

"Sucked your cock," he elaborated, and Harry felt his eyes widen.

"Uh, no," he answered, his voice going high.

For some reason, this made Remus moan. Sirius levered Harry's frozen fingers apart and extracted himself, but his hold on Harry tightened. He moved down so that he was almost on his stomach, and rubbed his wet and open mouth over the head of Harry's cock. Harry cried out.

"Good?" Sirius asked slyly.

"God, yes!"

"Mm. Lie back and get comfortable, then, and I'll show you what I can do."

Showing apparently did have something to do with it. At first, Harry stayed up on his elbows to watch as well as feel, as Sirius took his cock between swollen lips, pushing down to the root just once, and then sliding back up to use his tongue around the head, teasing rather than satisfying. Daring a sideways glance at Lupin, Harry saw his hand had gone inside his trousers and the lump of it was moving in a steady, slow rhythm. He almost wished he could see more, but then Sirius took him deep again, and began to move his mouth quickly up and down, and Harry collapsed back, eyes closing from sheer overload, as _feeling _became everything.

In an absurdly short time, he could feel himself rushing towards climax. His body shook as he tried to control himself. "Sirius. Sirius, I'm going to-- You-- I can't---"

"It's all right, Harry," Lupin said soothingly. "Come in his mouth. He likes that. He'll swallow it down and lick you off, won't you, Padfoot?"

Sirius whined, and at that vibration, Harry couldn't hold it a moment longer. Brain and cock pulsed as he shot off, and for a moment the world burned white, and then went dark.

 

Vision started from the center and filled out. He had only lost a second, he thought, if that -- Sirius was laving his cock with proprietary licks. By the wall, Lupin drew his hand out of his trousers and toyed with the button at his waistband.

"Good?" Sirius asked, looking hopeful.

"Yeah," Harry answered, laughing slightly. "Brilliant."

It was starting to register that this was a little weird, but he didn't quite care, yet. He recalled Lupin asking about the biscuits, and realized that they must have had a potion added to them. Satisfied that the matter was explained, he let it go. Sirius was up on his hands and knees, his cock pointing stiffly down. Harry wriggled lower on the bed to catch hold of it, and once again marveled at how solid it felt in his hand.

"You're huge," he said. Sirius and Lupin both laughed.

"Not that big," Sirius said kindly. "About the same length as yours, just wider."

Lupin moaned again at that. Peripherally, Harry saw him open his trousers. "Don't you think you should do something for Sirius, Harry? Since he was so good to you?"

Slowly, Harry began pumping his hand up and down Sirius's cock. "Couldn't fit that in my mouth," he said, watching the man's face. "Not all of it."

Sirius licked his lips uncertainly.

"It doesn't need to be all of it," Remus said reassuringly. "It's good just on the head. Sirius would like you to try, wouldn't you, Sirius?"

His eyes still on Harry, Sirius nodded. Screwing up his courage, Harry squirmed down further, and lifted his head to take a cautious lick at the wet tip of Sirius's cock. It tasted good. Before he could do more, Sirius threw himself over to one side and rolled onto his back.

"Underneath is rough," he said. "Not a good first time. You'll have more control being over me."

Grateful for the consideration, Harry smiled and moved between those spread legs to lean over Sirius. From this angle, that swollen prick looked less intimidating. He played with it in his hand for a moment before leaning down to rub his mouth over it, as Sirius had done to him.

"Merlin," Sirius said. "Fuck. You _angel_."

Harry set his lips over just the very tip, where it pushed clear of distended skin. Sirius moaned. Harry ran his tongue in a circle over the edge of his foreskin and felt the thighs beside him twitch, as if Sirius wanted to shove up, but had held himself back. Peripherally, he saw a flicker of motion and looked over to catch Lupin drawing down his zip and pulling his cock free. It was longer than Sirius's, but thinner, pink-tipped and pale, and slightly curved, like the horn of a young goat. He held it so hard that his grip pressed into the flesh, and Harry felt a renewed surge of lust. Shifting over a few degrees to give Lupin a better view, he set his lips over his godfather's cock, and twisted his mouth down past the head and then back up again.

It was a little uncomfortable, but the way that Sirius cried out made that worthwhile. It was also exciting, in some way he couldn't quite identify, and he found himself going further than he had planned to, exploring the feeling of cock against the roof of his mouth, or pressing up against it with his tongue. He had grown hard again, somehow, and he came up on his knees so it would show. He dared a glance over at Lupin. The man was wanking steadily now, but it was a leisurely motion, intended to linger.

"Sirius?" he said, his voice low. "The boy is ready to go again."

Sirius raised his head to look. "Mm." With a raised knee, he pushed at Harry's hip. "Swing round."

"What?"

"Over my face. I'll suck you more."

"But you said--"

"Bad first time, yeah. But there are ways."

Nervously, Harry did, but he stayed high up on his knees, afraid that he would hurt Sirius. He found that taking a cock in at this angle was different. He had to start learning how all over again. Sirius was licking his cock and mouthing it from the side, and he cupped Harry's arse, perhaps trying to pull him downward, but Harry wasn't sure he could go lower without hurting him. He was vaguely aware of Lupin approaching them, and opening a drawer, and then one of Sirius's hands left Harry's arse and then came back cold -- or rather, Harry realized a moment later, _wet_. That meant it must be Lupin who was pulling his shirt higher, up past his waist. Harry was afraid the man would do more, but he just sat down at the end of the mattress and returned to wanking steadily. Slowly, Harry relaxed.

The wet feeling along the crack of his arse was warm now, and unexpectedly good, at least until Sirius started to push in. Harry froze, Sirius's cock half in his slack mouth, at the feeling. He drew back.

"Sirius?"

"Shh. A finger won't hurt."

"But why--"

"Harry," Lupin said softly, "weren't you doing something else with your mouth?"

Chastened, Harry licked along Sirius's cock again, and then used his hand to lift it so he could run his mouth over the head. He could still feel that fingertip, but it was rolling against his hole now, suggesting, rather than demanding entrance, and when he tried to squirm away, he suddenly found himself deeper than he would have thought possible in Sirius's mouth. Harry groaned, and Sirius slid back and then rose up to take him deep again. Harry began to rock in time to Sirius's effort, not caring that he was pushing himself a little further onto the intruding digit behind each time, and finding that he could take Sirius deeper into his mouth, as well. The sounds Sirius was making grew higher.

"_Don't _come in his mouth, Sirius," Lupin ordered sharply. "I want to see you do it. You owe me that, at least."

With a strained cry that vibrated around Harry's cock, Sirius jerked his hips and tugged on Harry's hair. Harry raised his head, and almost immediately, white gouts were spurting from Sirius's cock, leaving short, thick lines and drops on his stomach and chest and Harry's chin. Sirius opened his mouth to shout, but Harry plunged forward, muffling half of it. Beside them, the intermittent noises of Lupin's wanking changed to a rapid slapping sound as his hand moved almost too quickly to see, and Sirius grabbed Harry's cock to hold him back, finally as rough as Harry wanted it. His second orgasm was longer and slower than the first, his first release spattering across Sirius's face before Sirius took him back inside.

A few feet away, Lupin's frantically moving hand froze. Lupin was silent. He arched back, his face contorted as if he were screaming, and cupped a hand over his cockhead to catch what came out. Harry wasn't surprised, as he collapsed happily against Sirius, to hear Lupin muttering a cleaning spell and arranging his clothes. A moment later, Lupin apparated away, leaving them alone.

 

Harry wasn't quite asleep, but it was pleasant to lie still, eyes closed, while Sirius stroked his back, and opening them might be uncomfortable, because it would mean acknowledging that he knew what they had done. He _could _think about it now, he realized, and he didn't want to evaluate whether he still trusted Sirius. As long as he kept his eyes closed, Sirius would not ask him anything, and he didn't need to think.

With a pop of displaced air, Lupin returned to the room. Harry had to make an effort not to tense. He wasn't sure if the last hour had changed his opinion of Sirius, but he didn't need to think to know that he trusted Lupin less. He lay carefully still.

"I spoke with the twins." The bed shifted as Lupin sat down at the other side of Sirius.

"Mm?" Sirius said sleepily.

"It wasn't an aphrodisiac," Lupin said harshly.

"_What?_"

"It _wasn't. _You want him."

"Oh, come on, Moony!" Sirius complained. His hand lifted. Harry felt him roll over. "I swear I've never thought of the boy that way before. They probably don't know what it does."

"They said it suppressed inhibitions. It shares some components with Veritaserum."

For a moment, Sirius was silent. Harry considered this. He supposed that meant he genuinely liked cock, which was unnerving. On the other hand, what he had originally wanted was to be close to Sirius, not to have sex with him.

Sirius had apparently reached a similar conclusion. "He climbed into my lap, Remus," he complained. "That's the only reason it went that way. Just, once he was _there_, and moving a little, I didn't see any reason not to tell him what it was doing to me -- or to try to think about something else -- and he didn't mind going along with it. Turning off why either of us might not have done that isn't a minor change."

There was another silence. Harry pushed down the temptation to open his eyes. If they knew he was awake, Lupin, at least, wouldn't talk like this.

"You wanted a young lover," Lupin said tightly.

"That's not what I said!" Sirius protested. "I said it was _difficult_, seeing you so old. It's just as difficult seeing _me _so old, you know. I hate mirrors. It doesn't mean I don't love you, still."

Harry was glad he had kept his eyes shut.

"I don't believe you."

Sirius sighed. "Look," he said, "I suspect I'm still somewhat under the influence of the ginger biscuits. This is all far easier to say than it should be, and I doubt I'd _think _of lying. You misunderstood me, all right? I didn't even mean I wouldn't _try_, it's just that you--"

The mattress lurched as Lupin shoved against Sirius, pushing him into the bed and against Harry's hip. "Oh, would you?" he said angrily. "And if you _let _me, I shouldn't mind that you find me repulsive?"

"You are NOT repulsive!" Sirius shouted. After a few rough breaths, he spoke quietly. "I said 'depressing'. It's not just-- It _reminds _me, when I look at you -- that I wasn't there; that you were alone; that I never had time to get used to those lines on your face, or maybe to change where they grew."

The bed shifted again, and there was another, longer silence. Harry heard soft, wet sounds and realized they were kissing. Cloth pulled against cloth -- Lupin undressing, or Sirius undressing him.

"We'll wake up Harry," Sirius whispered.

"Doesn't matter. I'm going to obliviate him anyway."

"Remus! You won't."

"Sirius, think!" Lupin insisted. "What good could it possibly do him to remember this?"

"Well, it gets a lot of awkward experimentation out of the way," Sirius said cheerfully.

"And do you want him thinking of you like that?" Lupin said harshly. "Wondering if _that's _what you want when you hug him? If you'll like him more if he sucks your prick?"

"_Nothing _could make me like him more," Sirius said angrily.

"I know." They moved more. "I'm not sure he does, though."

"I'll tell him."

"It won't matter." Lupin sighed. "It's what he can believe that matters. He doesn't believe in affection, really."

Another silence. Harry thought that he _did _believe in affection, just ... it wasn't always real, or possible.

"Still...." Sirius trailed off.

"I'll try to disconnect the memory, rather than destroying it," Lupin soothed. "You can tell him it's there, someday, when he's old enough to understand, and you've had enough time together to feel confident about each other."

"All right."

Harry had to work hard to hold in any sound at Sirius's agreement. That felt far more like a betrayal than the sex, which hadn't been his fault, or even -- really -- bad. Beside him, Lupin and Sirius were kissing again. Sirius moaned, and Harry felt a twinge of jealousy that _he _wasn't drawing that sound out of him. He wondered if it was possible to resist Obliviation, like one could resist the Imperius curse.

"Fuck me," Sirius ground out. His body moved further away from Harry. A bony knee came into the space where his hip had been. Lupin bent down.

"Good night, Harry," he whispered. "_Dormitare_."

Night fell.

**Author's Note:**

> Go to the post-war sequel, here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/69523.


End file.
